Mommy guilt. Most of us (if not all) experience it in one way or another. Whether it be late potty training, not enough greens, not enough reading, not enough outings, etc. the list could go on forever. Anytime I get a ping of guilt about something, I try to weigh out all my options in my head and find a way to change my actions, or reassure myself that everything is ok and not to worry. But lately, I’ve been feeling a reoccurring bout of guilt that is kind of driving me crazy….. school starting. Samantha is the age to attend preschool. I’ve mentioned it before, but we are going to home school our kids. I stand by all my reasoning for doing so and nothing will change our minds on this decision, but I still can’t help feeling kind of guilty. My kids won’t get to experience the traditional “first day of school” . There have been lots of talk among friends and photos on Facebook of sweet little kids wearing backpacks and holding lunch pails on their merry way to their first day of school. Everyone is doing the Pinterest inspired photo of their kid holding a chalkboard with the date of their first day of school.
I was not really a big fan of school as a kid. I was shy, always worried I’d get picked on (even though I never was), and always felt like school wasn’t really my happy place. But when I look back on school there is still that sense of nostalgia. Not really good or bad, it’s just there. A part of my history. Samantha and Sean will not have those kind of memories to look back on. I hope and pray I can offer something better for them. Between giving them a solid education, field trips with hands on experiences, getting more involved with the kids at our church, and keeping up with our friends in our moms group I hope the kids don’t look back with disappointment. I know it’s the right decision… but I think anytime anyone breaks away from the norm there is a sense of discomfort. But since these are my kids we are talking about, the weight of that decision is much heavier than if I was deciding something for myself.
I’m praying once we start school this guilt and fear is alleviated with reassurance of our decision. I know it will be hard, but nothing wonderful is really that easy is it?